


Watch You Breathe In, Watch You Breathe Out

by AeonTheDimensionalGirl



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Era, Dark Morgana (Merlin), Enchanted Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), First Kiss, Getting Together, Guilt, Healing Magic, Hurt Merlin (Merlin), Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Magic Revealed, Season/Series 03, True Love, memory sharing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-07
Updated: 2020-09-07
Packaged: 2021-03-07 04:53:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,442
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26347414
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AeonTheDimensionalGirl/pseuds/AeonTheDimensionalGirl
Summary: With the help of a potion, Morgana enchants Arthur to make him kill his heart's desire.
Relationships: Merlin/Arthur, Merlin/Arthur Pendragon, Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Comments: 32
Kudos: 643





	Watch You Breathe In, Watch You Breathe Out

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Jaspy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jaspy/gifts).



> **Aliiii** , if it weren't for your brainstorming, this fic would probably had ended up collecting dust in the WIP folder😆❤️
> 
> That being said,
> 
> **Strap in folks.**

* * *

_"You will kill your heart's desire"_

Arthur gripped the blade in his hand tightly, once again feeling wrong footed.

"Why?"

_"You must"_

"But why?"

It felt wrong.

His heart's desire? Dead?

That didn't sound right.

His heart's desire… should be happy and full of life. Basked and surrounded with love.

_"Your heart's desire… it will bring bad things to your future"_

Pain throbbed on the back of his head.

_"To thrive… you must kill them"_

"If you say so"

The voice purred in delight.

The door opened.

"Sire?"

Arthur hid the knife behind his back.

* * *

The drink that Morgana had offered him at lunch had a strange after-taste.

"It belonged to my father" she simply stated when he voiced his thought out loud. Arthur could have sworn that for a brief moment she had looked panicked, "You know that he had an extensive wine collection" she added.

Arthur didn't see anything wrong with that. Before his death, Lord Goloris's wine collection had always been widely praised by King Uther, and said collection had been moved to Camelot's cellars at the same time Morgana moved in with them.

"So where is this one from?" he asked, frowning briefly at the drink when the sudden fuzzy feeling that came over him.

Morgana waved her hand in dismissal.

"Some ancient house that no longer stands. The Ambrosius family, if I'm not mistaken" she said.

The fuzzy feeling came again.

Arthur swore that for a moment his head was filled with cotton, but when he went to say so he realized that he couldn't.

The words refused to come out.

Morgana didn't seem to notice anything.

But the Prince could have sworn that she now had a triumphant glint in her eye, and was hiding a smirk behind her goblet.

Strange, she was doing that a lot lately.

Even stranger, Morgana suddenly got up from her seat, clamming that she just remembered that she had agreed to meet with Uther to discuss something important and left the room in a hurry, leaving him alone.

And the voice spoke.

_"You will kill your heart's desire"_

* * *

He kept on hearing the phrase during the rest of the day, almost as if was a whisper.

It plagued his thoughts like a thought of his own, but deep down Arthur had the feeling it shouldn't be a thought at all.

Even more unusual, Morgana had locked him and Guinevere together in the wine cellar high on the afternoon, leaving Arthur to feel quite awkward as he attempted some small talk with her while trying to ignore the small pinches of pain making themselves known on his head.

Thankfully someone freed them soon enough.

Thank the Mother for Merlin-

_"You will kill your heart's desire"_

… Hmm.

Interesting...

The Prince tilted his head, watching his servant- his friend, his very dear friend, ask Guinevere about how she had ended trapped with a prat on the cellar with a mischievous smile.

_"You will kill your heart's desire"_

He clenched his fists, a feeling of unease going through him.

That was really a morbid thought-

_"You will kill your heart's desire"_

Arthur's nursemaid had once spun him a dramatic tale when he grew tired of stories of knights in shining armor rescuing helpless maidens; a great tragedy in which a person kills their lover.

The little prince had grown terrified at the lovers fate and had vowed that he would never do harm like that.

_"You will kill your heart's desire"_

* * *

The knife in his hand shouldn't feel heavy, Arthur thought as he watched the servant close the door.

"Merlin"

He smiled at the raven haired man as he advanced towards him with a grin of his own.

"I'm sorry I couldn't attend to you at dinner with your father and Morgana" Merlin said.

"It's alright, I know you have your duties with Gaius"

He got a raised eyebrow at that.

"Do you now?"

Arthur chuckled as he gripped the dagger tightly.

"Of course I do, don't be an idiot" he said. Merlin simply laughed.

"If the lord of prats says so" he shot back, shaking his head while heading towards the dresser, making Arthur shift his body to hide the weapon.

"Actually, Merlin, I don't wish to go to bed right now"

Merlin immediately brightened up.

"Should I get the wine?"

They did that, didn't they?

Forget the master and servant roles, have a drink as friends and whisper secrets and stories by the warmth of the fire.

It was the highlight of Arthur's evenings.

_"You will kill your heart's desire"_

But he _liked_ spending time with Merlin, killing him sounded wro-

"Arthur?"

Merlin was right in front of the cupboard, hand frozen in the motion of reaching the handle to get out the wine jar and spare goblets.

"Are you alright?"

He looks so concerned.

For him, Arthur faintly thinks.

_"You will kill your heart's desire"_

"I'm fine, Merlin"

He shouldn't feel like a lying liar who lies. His grip on the hidden blade tightened even further, till he could feel the imprint of the handle on his palm.

"Are you sure? You look… conflicted"

Merlin has abandoned the cupboard, instead walking over towards the blond.

"Actually… I am"

"Well, I like to think of us as friends, and I know you do too, even if you're too much of a prat to fully admit it" Merlin said, smiling a bit, "What's bothering you?"

"You"

"Pardon?"

"Not in a bad way, _Mer_ lin"

"Right…" said raven bit his lip, "Is this because I freed you and Gwen from the wine cellar?"

"Oh, gods no" Arthur felt himself let out a relived laugh, "I should honestly thank you for that"

Merlin finally stood in front of him, a frown on his beautiful fey features.

_"You will kill your heart's desire"_

A part of him was beginning to grow annoyed at the purring voice.

"Come now, I know things have been a little awkward between you two since… well, Uther tried to burn her at the stake and that old sorcerer admitted to enchanting you both-" Merlin said as he let out a nervous laugh, while Arthur, strangely enough, simply felt himself tense at the mention of the _'enchanting'_ , the knife feeling heavy once more.

"-But being glad to not being in the same room with her is harsh. A little cruel even-"

"Yes, yes, but I do not wish to speak about my seemingly doomed courtship with Guinevere, I wanted to talk to you, idiot" Arthur snapped, "Quite urgently, actually"

Merlin was still frowning at him.

"What's wrong, Arthur?" he softly asked.

"You and I… we have gone through things, haven't we?" Arthur said as he forced his body to relax while stepping into Merlin's space with a small smile that felt fake, taking in the emotions on the raven's face; Curiosity and a slight amount of astonishment had almost taken over his concern.

"You've always been a mystery to me, Merlin" he kept on, a strange fuzzing coming over him once again, "And I've realized… despite everything- You've always stayed next to me, no matter what… I… I've come to deeply appreciate you, Merlin"

"Arthur?"

The Prince doesn't know were these words were coming from, but they felt… right.

So right, that they had silenced the purring voice, just by talking freely about Merlin-

"Sometimes I dream of another life in which you never came to Camelot, and everyone is so, so miserable" he voices in an-almost hush, "I believe you've made everyone's life a little brighter"

The smile that took over Arthur's face this time felt more genuine, to the point of adoring.

"Especially mine"

His left hand had risen to Merlin's face, who was still looking at him wide-eyed, but azure eyes full of something that Arthur realized was tentative hope while a subtle and endearing rosiness took over his cheeks.

Why would Arthur want this beautiful creature dead?

He relaxed his hold on the hidden knife-

_"You will kill your heart's desire"_

Only to hold on it on a firmer grip.

Faintly, Arthur remembered the vow he made when he was a young child, about the tragic lovers.

Wouldn't this be breaking it?

A pain in the front of his head brought him out of the thin memory.

_"Your heart's desire… it will bring bad things to your future"_

"Such loyalty, such care and devotion" he said while his fingers caressed the raven's cheek, finally resting on the tip of Merlin's chin, thumb just brushing the plump pink lips.

_"To thrive…"_

He looks ethereal like this, eyes tender while delicate shadows danced on his face, created by the candlelight-

_"You will kill your heart's desire"_

Arthur smiled at him before brushing his lips to Merlin's ear.

"What a shame that nothing will ever happen between us" he whispered, taking in how Merlin's eyes widened as they filled with confusion and deep hurt before stabbing the knife on his right side.

Merlin let out a cry in surprise, and grabbed a fistful of Arthur's tunic as the prince plunged the blade deeper into him.

His friend stared at him with tears streaming down his face, looking at him in betrayal while still holding on to him for dear life.

The blond simply twisted the knife before taking it out, suddenly feeling very unease as a voice inside his head that sounds like his own begins screaming, but he refuses to show his inner turmoil.

"Arthur" Merlin cried as his legs started to give out-

And when he began his decent towards the ground, their lips brushed together for a fraction of a second.

Arthur gasped, feeling as if he had been hit by lightning.

For a moment, everything went white.

And awareness came to him at the same time he registered a hard thud the stone floor.

Blinking back the leftover white dots in his vision, he suddenly realizes _why_ there was a voice inside his head screaming as the events of the day begin to come to him crystal clear.

With his body overtaken with dread and fear, Arthur looks down.

"NO!" he shouts in horror as he registers Merlin lying in the white stone alongside a growing pool of blood, his eyes closed and milk white skin turning a pale grey.

He drops to his knees, whispering "What have I done?" over and over again in rising panic, hands hovering over Merlin and just when he's about to decide whether to put pressure onto the wound or rip out a piece of his own tunic to use as a makeshift bandage- the Crown Prince notices that he is still holding the knife and the realization hits Arthur so hard that he forgets to breathe.

He did this.

He had-

Arthur angrily throws the blade towards the fireplace, feeling sick and horrified at himself.

"Merlin" the prince shakily said, taking him into his arms and lightly palming his cheek until the warlock's eyes blink open.

"Arthur?" he mumbled with a croak.

"Oh thank the gods" Arthur sobbed with relief, cradling his beloved a little tighter before raising his head.

"GUARDS! GUARDS!" he screamed, and the set of men outside his chambers came in as if he had been yelling bloody murder.

Not like there wasn't much of a difference, he bitterly thought as his free hand went to put pressure on the wound.

"Bring Gaius, NOW!" Arthur put as much urgency on his tone as he could, knowing that he didn't even really have to do that, the guards took one look at the scene and one was already on his way out while the other stayed.

"An assassin, my lord?" he inquired.

"Gone" Arthur faintly said while clutching Merlin tighter, who cried out in pain.

_I did this._

He barely registered the guard leaving to raise the alarm for a phantom assassin.

His attention was solely on the man lying in his arms, bleeding out from a wound _he_ had inflicted him with.

Merlin was looking at him with such hurt, tears slipping down his cheeks. Arthur hadn't realized he was crying too until he registered small droplets falling down onto Merlin's face.

"I didn't-" Arthur whispered, his breath hitching, "Merlin I didn't want-" he sobbed, the horror of what he had done almost too much.

Something flashed briefly in Merlin's eyes amidst the pain.

"Show me" he murmured.

"What?"

"I-" Merlin coughed, closing his eyes in clear agony, "I'd rather d- die with an answer to- to why the man I- I love would stab me-" Arthur's breath hitched once more, "-Than die, feeling betrayed by him"

And with a sad smile, Merlin opened his eyes, letting the Prince witness the pretty azure become beautiful golden starlight.

Arthur let out a shaky gasp.

He'd suspected. After the whole thing with Dragoon the Great… well, he did say the old sorcerer's eyes looked familiar.

And still, Arthur shook his head.

"You'll die faster" he said, feeling torn. Magic couldn't be so different than using a sword, it required concentration and a good amount of energy, right?

And if Merlin, who had lost a good amount of- was _still_ _losing_ blood, did magic-

A sob brought his attention back to the man in his arms, and Arthur felt his heart break further at his beloved sorcerer grief-stricken face.

"Please" Merlin begged as a new batch of tears fell down his checks, "It's for- for you… Only for you"

The realization that came over the Prince was enough to draw Merlin further onto his embrace, till their foreheads were close enough to touching.

"No- no, Merlin" he tried to soothe, "I don't- I don't hate you"

Oh how Arthur wanted to bring his hand over the raven's delicate face and wipe away his tears, run his fingers through his soft hair to calm him.

But he can't, because his right arm is holding Merlin tight and his left hand is the only thing providing the necessary pressure for his survival until Gaius-

Mother, Maiden and Crone, where in the seven hells was Gaius?!

"Arthur?"

Had Merlin's voice gotten weaker?

"Please" the sorcerer pleaded, azure eyes shining with distress as he weakly fisted Arthur's tunic once again, "Please, let- let me see- show me"

Arthur wanted to protest once more, make Merlin see that the effort was more likely to kill him, that Gaius will arrive at any moment-

But Merlin's breathing was becoming ragged, and the grip that he had on Arthur's arm was slipping away and gods Merlin was becoming more and more ashen and that could only mean-

A hand rested on his cheek.

Sapphire eyes met with an azure flecked with golden stars.

Letting out a shaky breath, Arthur rested his forehead with Merlin's.

He gently nodded, giving his beloved a sad smile, who returned it.

And visions suddenly came across Arthur's eyes

_A boy with hair as the golden sun ran across the white castle, laughing as he evaded the older knights in charge of protecting him._

_A boy with hair as black as the night ran across the forest, laughing as he chased butterflies while a woman ran behind keeping an eye on him._

_The Prince fought in tournaments, searching for his father's approval._

_The country boy fought against other boys who were throwing rocks at him._

_The Prince was sent to lead a raid on innocent people. His biggest shame._

_The boy's friend caught him using magic. His mother panicked and sent a letter._

_A Prince was confronted by a country boy from the neighborhood kingdom._

_The strangers wanted to be enemies, despite strong feelings of attraction taking over them on first sight._

_A dragon laughed at the boy and spoke of destiny._

_A life was saved._

_They became master and servant, but soon became tentative friends._

_The servant used magic in secret, helped by his mentor to save his Prince. Time and times again, without seeking reward, the Prince remaining oblivious to the pain and sacrifices._

_Smiles were still given. Laughter and a feeling of freedom went through them. Tender touches and loving looks were shared._

_Mistakes plagued them. The kingdom suffered. A friend slowly begun to grow dark._

_The servant's heart broke when the Prince kissed the maid._

_The Prince wasn't sure if he was truly in love with the maid._

_Tragedy kept on coming._

_The Prince's heart broke when the servant kissed the renegade man from the tavern._

_The servant tried to move on from the Prince, but his heart belonged only to him._

_The king's ward offers a drink, a malicious glint in her eyes._

_An order issued._

_To kill a heart's desire._

Arthur resurfaced with a heaving breath.

Morgana.

Oh gods, Morgana-

"It wasn't you" Merlin murmured through half-open eyes.

There's a small smile on his face that speaks relief, but most of all, it matches the emotions Arthur felt as they shared memories; tenderness and love.

Despite the revelation, Arthur feels undeserving of it.

"I should have fought it more" he cried while pressing a kiss to the crown of Merlin's head, "My love, forgive me"

"Don't blame yourself" Merlin's fingers are still cupping his cheek, nearly slipping, "Whatever happens, don't-" his breath hitched once more, and his eyes fluttered close.

" _Merlin_ " Arthur shook him, growing frantic when he got no response, "Merlin, please"

The warlock finally opened his eyes, but it was clear he was struggling.

"Hold on" the Prince whispered, pressing their foreheads together again.

The raven smiled sadly at him while new tears came down his face.

And the blond reached a heartbreaking understanding as he took in pale skin that was too close to grey, and azure eyes were losing their brightness.

With tears of his own streaming down his face, Arthur stroked soft raven hair in comfort, before slightly tilting up Merlin's face and their lips met in a tender kiss.

_"I love you, Arthur"_

The voice spoke in his mind as a gentle whisper.

And Merlin stopped responding, breaking their kiss with a sigh.

Arthur could only shake his head as his beloved struggled to breathe in another breath.

"No"

Something inside of Arthur began to burn while he watches his beloved's breathing slow out, "NO!"

Crying, he embraced Merlin's limp body, trying to ignore the burning pain coming from his chest.

"Please, don't leave me" he sobbed into Merlin's ear, _"Please"_

Something flickered in his line of sight.

Weakly, Arthur turned his head towards the glister…

And gasped.

Silver light was coming out of him, lighting up from his chest and flowing in little tendrils through his veins, towards a faint golden light that was coming out of Merlin's chest, weak tendrils gathering on the wound-

As if Merlin's own magic was calling for Arthur's help.

The blond didn't hesitate. Letting himself be guided by the magic, he gently lowered Merlin onto the floor before pressing both hands on the wound. The silver light that was coming from him rushed forward to meet the golden one.

"Stay, Merlin" Arthur begs.

He doesn't notice how exhausted he's becoming until his vision is nothing but blurry, edging on black.

"Stay" Arthur faintly repeats as he feels his body give out with the magic lights.

Someone calls for him and Merlin, but it sounds underwater and so far away…

_"Stay"_

* * *

No one knows what happened between the time the guards came into the room answering the Crown Prince's panicked call and the arrival of the Court Physician.

As far as everyone knows, one moment Arthur was holding a bleeding Merlin in his arms, and the next thing they all know is that the Prince is lying next to his miraculously healed manservant, both on a deep state on unconsciousness.

When Arthur wakes up the next day, he only tells Uther that the 'assassin' must have come back and knocked him out while he tried to stop Merlin from bleeding out. What came next, he does not know.

The King raged about sorcery for a whole candle mark, sent a patrol out to look for sorcerers, and demands Gaius to examine both Arthur and Merlin for any signs of enchantments, not even noticing the violent flinch his son made.

Once he leaves, Gaius only has to raise his eyebrow for Arthur to spill the truth.

He cries, begs for the physician's forgiveness for harming his nephew, but Gaius only engulfs him in a tight hug and tells him that there is nothing to forgive, Arthur was just a victim as much as Merlin.

The Prince cries some more before demanding to be taken to where Merlin is resting.

"I need to see him"

"Sire, you went through an ordeal as well, you must rest-"

"Gaius, _please_ , I have to see him alive and breathing"

And if in the way he stops Leon and tells him to keep a close watch on Lady Morgana, no one is none the wiser.

Merlin rests in his own room, and despite the bags under his eyes and his skin still possessing a sickly grey tone instead of his milky pale skin, for Arthur he looks ethereal in his sleep.

He nearly throws himself at the warlocks side, taking one hand into his own while the other came to rest on Merlin's chest.

For a moment, Arthur simply watches him breathe in and out. Steady, uninterrupted.

Full of life.

He pressed a shaky kiss on the back of Merlin's hand. From the memories, how many times had he not noticed- for fucks sake he had nearly burned Merlin at the stake a month ago!

"Arthur?"

Gaius was holding a heavy looking tome on his arms.

"I believe you should read this"

He's embarrassingly crying again when he finishes reading. In relief or shock, the blond doesn't know.

Turns out that Arthur _had_ fought against the enchantment, at least according to Gaius, based on the text he provided about the nature of the potion Morgana had given him.

"You could have stabbed him in a way to easily access Merlin's vital organs to deliver a quick death" the physician had gently explained to him, "Heart, lungs, stomach, liver, any artery on his neck... I believe you missed on purpose, Arthur"

"How?" the Prince asked, clutching the raven's limp hand tightly, trying hard to concentrate on feeling the steady beating of Merlin's heart.

"People underestimate the power of love" Gaius said with a small smile.

Arthur ran a hand through his face, feeling tired.

"I've been cruel to him" he whispered, "How-"

"Arthur, I've known you since you were a babe" Gaius interrupted in a stern tone, "Admittedly there have been times in which you haven't treated Merlin well, but I also know that you never mean those moments or words of cruelty. Speaking freely, I personally blame your father telling you that kindness is nothing but a weakness"

He softened.

"You've practically been pulling his pigtails, Arthur. Merlin knows this and simply retaliated"

Arthur huffed, but allowed himself to grin softly at the sleeping raven.

"It will be fine, Arthur"

And with that being said, Gaius excused himself out of the room, probably to continue his rounds around the citadel and Lower Town.

The Prince let out a breath, running his thumb over Merlin's knuckles absentmindedly.

"You know, it's a little rude of you to be asleep right now" Arthur murmured, "We've got things to discuss from your memories… you're technically nobility with all that Dragonlord thing you know? And… wonder what to do with Morgana…" he trailed off, feeling off footed.

"Can I have a few days off first?"

"Merlin"

The raven gave him a weak grin. Arthur did throw himself at him this time, engulfing him in a bone-crushing hug.

"Hi" Merlin breathy voice whispered under the weight of the blond pinning him to the bed.

"Hi" Arthur murmured back, nuzzling his beloved's neck.

"How-?"

"Magic"

Merlin barked a laugh of surprise, breaking the hug to push and stare at the Prince in slight disbelief. He must have seen the complete sincerity in his stare, because his smile dimmed a bit before taking Arthur's hand, intertwining their fingers as his eyes shone gold.

"I'm really starting to love your eyes shining like that" the blond said in wonder.

Merlin didn't seem to hear him though, his gaze was focused on their fingers, where the tendrils of silver and golden light were gliding in an interlocked dance.

"This is… ancient magic" he whispered in awe, "The kind that has been nearly forgotten"

Arthur couldn't help but stare, feeling dumbfounded.

"Don't ask me to do it again, I don't think I could" he nervously replied.

Merlin huffed at him as his eyes returned to their pretty azure blue tone.

"I don't think this kind of magic is meant to be tamed" he admitted, "It's mostly about instinct… I could have sworn to feel it as I-" he trailed off, looking stricken for a moment.

"I'm sorry" Arthur whispered, feeling dejected.

"It wasn't you" Merlin firmly said, "I know it will take a while to get through your thick head, and surely even mine too, but this _was_ **not** **_you_** "

Morgana's name goes unsaid.

Arthur sighs, but nods none less before laying himself next to Merlin, absentmindedly playing with the raven locks with his free hand.

The warlock, on the other hand, has taken to tracing the Prince's face with his fingers as they stay silent for a while, hands still interlocked.

"I apologize if what I'm about to say brings you pain" Arthur started to say, feeling Merlin tense up.

He broke the hold between their hands, opting to cup Merlin's face, tracing delicate cheekbones until the raven relaxed.

"The things I was saying before I-" he chocked. Merlin placed his right hand over Arthur's, looking at him with a sad yet understanding smile.

It would take a while to heal from the enchantment, but none less, Arthur needed to tell him this.

"I meant them. You changing everyone's lives the moment you stepped foot in Camelot…" he laughed, "You're magic, Merlin, literally and figuratively"

The warlock shared his laughter, but his gaze had turned shy.

"Never thought I'll hear that, especially from you"

"Give me some credit, _Mer_ lin"

"Alright, point for the dollophead"

"I saw your memories, I _know_ you made up that word"

"I saw _your_ memories, I know you like it"

They smiled at each other.

"One more thing" Arthur said softly, before bringing Merlin's lips to his own, kissing him deeply.

When they broke off, his lover was grinning at him far more gently, the blond returning the grin without hesitation.

"I love you too, Merlin"

**Author's Note:**

> This was slightly??? insipired by 'A Servant of Two Masters'. I love the theory that Merlin subconsiously sabotaged himself with his magic, and I wanted to write a similar dynamic with an Enchanted Arthur.
> 
> I'm also sort of experimenting with my writing style here? I don't know if it was noticeable lol but I don't regret it.


End file.
